There was a time — oh, fifteen years ago or so — when I was in control. Not really, of course, but significantly more in control that I am now. It was up to me to take care of my toddler daughter. I chose what she wore, what she ate, when she slept, what we did together on the weekends. It was all about her, but it was all organized by me.
As the mother of a teenager, I don't get a whole lot of appreciation. But, in all honesty, there wasn't much appreciation back when she was little either. She was happy and healthy so I knew I was doing a good job. And, I got hand-drawn love notes on Valentine's Day, Mother's Day and my birthday.
Best of all, I was never to blame.
These days, I am to blame for ... well ... pretty much everything. My bad decisions, my lame rules, the weather. Yep, pretty much everything.
For the record, your honor, following is a list of recent crimes against the adolescent, for which I (apparently) can be, but (definitely) should not be, blamed.
It's simply not my fault.
It's not my fault that you were late leaving for work because you set your alarm clock for 7:00 pm rather than 7:00 am.
It's not my fault you can't find your old turquoise North Face jacket. It's also not my fault that I didn't realize that there are "designated stable fleeces" when I suggested you simply wear another one. (You have at least a dozen, dear.)
It's not my fault that your AP U.S. History teacher decided there was too much work for a field trip while the other AP U.S. History teacher took his class to visit the S.S. Constitution (and, adding insult to injury, took everyone for McFlurries on the way back to school — clearly nothing says early American history like Mickey D's).
It's not my fault that one of your favorite bands is coming to town (YES!) and they're playing at an over-21 club (NO!).
It's not my fault that the people who built our house in 1830 didn't anticipate your need for 8 pairs of boots and 4 pairs of Converse and a closet to accommodate them.
It's not my fault that two of your BFFs couldn't go to Laser Quest with you last night after all because their respective parents made them stay home and babysit their respective siblings.
It's not my fault that the third season of Dance Moms isn't available on Netflix or Amazon Prime and that when you found it online the WiFi was buggy and the streaming video was not streaming. (See note above regarding the age of our home — we're fortunate to have indoor plumbing much less reliable wireless.)
I could continue.
My daughter plans to pursue an equine studies business major (yes, that does really exist — who knew?). But, I've asserted for years that she should really be a lawyer. She has a sense of justice beyond the laws of man or nature. She has an unfailing memory for past slights (and anticipated future wrongs). And she has the ability to argue her case, passionately, regardless of rules, evidence or even common sense.
I rarely win these arguments because what my daughter does not seem to have is a willingness to admit defeat.
Still, on the counts listed above (and countless more), I have to plead "Not guilty, your honor."
Now, if I can just find that North Face jacket, maybe I can get time off for good behavior ...
If you enjoyed this post, I invite you to order a copy of Lovin' the Alien at www.lovinthealien.com.
Looking at the title of this post, you probably assumed I was referring to my teenage daughter. Right? After all, that thought "What was she thinking?" does cross my mind sometimes. But, no. This time I'm writing about someone older, someone educated, someone in a position of responsibility. An adult, and a mother no less.
No, I'm not talking about myself either. (Very funny.)
I'm wondering about the "prominent Massachusetts lawyer" who had a New Year's Eve party for her teen daughter and friends and served them alcohol. Oh boy.
The mother, Tracy Miner, is considered the top white collar attorney in Boston. She is best known for representing the Kerrigan family when the Olympic skater Nancy's brother was accused of manslaughter in the death of their father. She also represented former FBI agent John Connelly who had been implicated in the "Whitey" Bulger case. One must assume — and hope for her sake — she knows other good lawyers.
Because she's gonna need one.
Shortly after midnight early New Year's morning, the police in Scituate, a lovely little coastal town south of Boston, received an anonymous call that there was an unconscious young man at a party. Upon arrival, the officers ran into a stream of teenagers fleeing the scene. Although doors were locked, one first responder spotted the boy slumped in a chair and was able to get inside to aid him. There were still a handful of teens in the house along with Miner who was in her bedroom upstairs.
The attorney explained that she was throwing a party for her daughter and had taken the car keys of the guests. In addition to alcohol (and pizza — gasp!), the police found marijuana. The boy was taken away by paramedics and Miner, her daughter and six additional teens received summonses.
I repeat, oh boy.
In case you've been asleep since the Reagan era, the legal drinking age in Massachusetts is 21. So, here's what's in store for the teens. If they are convicted as minors in possession of alcohol, they will be fined rather than face jail time. However, their driver's licenses will be suspended for 90 days and their insurance premiums will no doubt go up. And, as far as the dreaded "permanent record," is concerned, a criminal conviction is not going to go away any time soon.
Hopefully, Ms. Miner knows more than one good lawyer.
As for her own part in this, the state's "Social Host Law" prohibits furnishing minors with alcohol. Miner faces a fine, a year in prison or both. One can only assume that this lapse in judgement will affect her professionally. Perhaps end her career. Isn't she honor bound to uphold the laws of the state in which she practices?
So, I return to my earlier question. Exactly what was she thinking?
Perhaps Ms. Miner views the current drinking laws as unfair and she was protesting them, much as our nation's founding fathers (and mothers) did two hundred plus years ago under unfair foreign rule. Maybe she believed that her wanton disregard of the law was actually her moral obligation.
I sincerely doubt it.
Here's what I think, as the mother of teen myself. I think that Ms. Miner took the easy road that night. She weighed her popularity with her daughter and her responsibility as a parent/grownup/lawyer ... and found in favor of the former. She wanted to be her daughter's friend first and mother second. Rather than think about consequences and life lessons, she made one extremely stupid short-term decision.
Sadly, that decision will have long-term effects.
