Halloween and the Hoochie Horseback Rider

It's that time of year again, my friends. Candy corn, "Trick or Treat," ghosts and ghouls and girls dressed like ladies of the night. 

Time for my annual rant about the short, the sheer, the utterly inappropriate Halloween costumes available for girls.

In 2011, the year I launched Lovin' the Alien, I wrote about the Candy Cane Ho, a costume so ludicrously offensive, it simply couldn't be ignored. Two years later, I talked about skimpy witches and sexy penguins, and the other classy options available to our girls. (Happily, my daughter has never felt compelled to show that much skin on an October evening here in chilly New England. Brrr.)

This year, my now teenage daughter forwarded a picture of a new costume which has both of us shaking our heads. It's a "Sexy Equestrienne," and it's about as far from depicting an actual athlete as it can be.

Let's start with that word: "athlete." My daughter and her pony-loving peers are athletes. No question. A gym teacher once told her that riding was "a hobby, not a sport." Well, I'd like to challenge him to a little friendly competition. Can he post up and down in a saddle for 45 minutes? Tell a 1,200-pound animal to change gaits or direction by squeezing his thigh muscles? Lug tack trunks in and out of trailers? Or carry 50-pound water buckets uphill to the barn?

Hmmm. 'Didn't think so.

That's all in a day's work for my daughter. 

As far as sexiness is concerned, I assure you it is the last thing on any equestrienne's mind while she's training or competing. Don't get me wrong, most girls who take riding seriously have great figures (see typical workout described above) and I've seen many of them, my daughter included, clean up very nicely. But, when they're on their horse, in a ring or on a trail, they are working too hard to worry about how alluring they may or may not look.

The "Sexy Equestrienne" may be new, but it's not exactly news. Most costumes available for girls — even tweens and younger — can aptly use the adjective "sexy." There are sexy policewomen, sexy nurses, sexy vampires, sexy kittens, sexy crayons, sexy bumblebees and, of course, my all-time favorite sexy candy corn. Often, there are sexy girl versions of the same decidedly un-sexy boy costumes, as my friend's then 8-year old daughter pointed out in this video.

Do girls really want to look like ... um ... professionals? According to the much-loved movie Mean Girls, the answer is "Yes." As Lindsay Lohan's Cady Stanton learns "Halloween is the one night a year when a girl can dress like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it."

But, I'm not buying it. 

A big part of how girls (and young women) define their attractiveness and value is driven by the media. From very young ages, they're bombarded by sexy images. I also think that a big factor behind the "every costume looks like a hoochie-mama" phenomenon is an economic one. Less fabric, more profit. It's that simple.

Actual equestrienne clothing (as opposed to the "Sexy Equestrienne" costume) requires significantly more fabric: reinforced seats and knees, layers that actually protect and perform.

If someone attempted to do dressage, stadium jumping or cross-country in the Halloween costume depicted above, my daughter and her teammates would choke with laughter.

And their horses probably would too.

If you enjoyed this post, I invite you to order a copy of my book  Lovin' the Alien at www.lovinthealien.com.  
 

Miley: Here's One Motherf--cker You Should Listen To

When I started in my career in the mid 80s (ouch), I had both women supervisors and men. The men were invariably generous with their time and advice. The women, by and large, were less so. This may be because I ended up (at a very early age) doing my male bosses' jobs for them. And, it may also be that the women I worked for were threatened. 

(This is only my experience, and I'm sorry that it was because I believe that the successful businesswoman is invariably stereotyped as an unsupportive bee-yotch.)

So, let's assume that there's some truth to the idea that women are threatened by their younger, talented peers. (Who can blame them; historically there hasn't been enough opportunity for women to go around.) How much worse it must be for those in the entertainment industry, where middle-aged is replaced by young, young is replaced by younger, and old is forgotten altogether.

That's why I was heartened this morning to hear about a music industry veteran, reaching out to her younger singer-sister with some caring and constructive criticism. The message (rather riddled with profanity) was sent to (the "f*ck it, it girl" of the moment) Miley Cyrus. And it was written by (the "f*ck it, it girl" of the 90s) Sinead O'Connor.

This is only newsworthy to my generation, I'm afraid. My teenage daughter probably doesn't know who O'Connor is/was. She may have heard "Nothing Compares 2 U" on one of my "adult contemporary" (aka "old lady") radio stations. But, she certainly wouldn't know about the Irish singer's infamous appearance on Saturday Night Live, when she tore up a picture of the Pope in a petulant gesture that was almost as big a waste of time as the outrage that ensued.

Every time some hot young thing goes off the deep end (Britney, Lindsay Lohan, Amanda Bynes), I always wonder the same thing ... "Where's the mother?" Not that controlling a teenager (even a regular, everyday, not-a-pop-star one like my own) is ever easy. But, you see a train about to wreck — and that train is your daughter — you do something!

Sinead is stepping up to the Miley Cyrus plate here. The letter is long, but fairly literate. And, as she says in her opening, written in "the spirit of motherliness and with love."

Dear Miley,

I wasn’t going to write this letter, but today I’ve been dodging phone calls from various newspapers who wished me to remark upon your having said in Rolling Stone your “Wrecking Ball” video was designed to be similar to the one for “Nothing Compares” … So this is what I need to say … And it is said in the spirit of motherliness and with love.

I am extremely concerned for you that those around you have led you to believe, or encouraged you in your own belief, that it is in any way “cool” to be naked and licking sledgehammers in your videos. It is in fact the case that you will obscure your talent by allowing yourself to be pimped, whether it’s the music business or yourself doing the pimping.

Nothing but harm will come in the long run, from allowing yourself to be exploited, and it is absolutely NOT in ANY way an empowerment of yourself or any other young women, for you to send across the message that you are to be valued (even by you) more for your sexual appeal than your obvious talent.

I am happy to hear I am somewhat of a role model for you and I hope that because of that you will pay close attention to what I am telling you.

The music business doesn’t give a sh– about you, or any of us. They will prostitute you for all you are worth, and cleverly make you think its what YOU wanted.. and when you end up in rehab as a result of being prostituted, “they” will be sunning themselves on their yachts in Antigua, which they bought by selling your body and you will find yourself very alone.

None of the men oggling you give a sh– about you either, do not be fooled. Many’s the woman mistook lust for love. If they want you sexually that doesn’t mean they give a f— about you. All the more true when you unwittingly give the impression you don’t give much of a f— about yourself. And when you employ people who give the impression they don’t give much of a f— about you either. No one who cares about you could support your being pimped, and that includes you yourself.

Yes, I’m suggesting you don’t care for yourself. That has to change. You ought be protected as a precious young lady by anyone in your employ and anyone around you, including you. This is a dangerous world. We don’t encourage our daughters to walk around naked in it because it makes them prey for animals and less than animals, a distressing majority of whom work in the music industry and its associated media.

You are worth more than your body or your sexual appeal. The world of showbiz doesn’t see things that way, they like things to be seen the other way, whether they are magazines who want you on their cover, or whatever.. Don’t be under any illusions.. ALL of them want you because they’re making money off your youth and your beauty.. which they could not do except for the fact your youth makes you blind to the evils of show business. If you have an innocent heart you can’t recognise those who do not.

I repeat, you have enough talent that you don’t need to let the music business make a prostitute of you. You shouldn’t let them make a fool of you either. Don’t think for a moment that any of them give a flying f— about you. They’re there for the money.. we’re there for the music. It has always been that way and it will always be that way. The sooner a young lady gets to know that, the sooner she can be REALLY in control.

You also said in Rolling Stone that your look is based on mine. The look I chose, I chose on purpose at a time when my record company were encouraging me to do what you have done. I felt I would rather be judged on my talent and not my looks. I am happy that I made that choice, not least because I do not find myself on the proverbial rag heap now that I am almost 47 yrs of age.. which unfortunately many female artists who have based their image around their sexuality, end up on when they reach middle age.

Real empowerment of yourself as a woman would be to in future refuse to exploit your body or your sexuality in order for men to make money from you. I needn’t even ask the question.. I’ve been in the business long enough to know that men are making more money than you are from you getting naked. It’s really not at all cool. And it’s sending dangerous signals to other young women. Please in future say no when you are asked to prostitute yourself. Your body is for you and your boyfriend. It isn’t for every spunk-spewing dirtbag on the net, or every greedy record company executive to buy his mistresses diamonds with.

As for the shedding of the Hannah Montana image.. whoever is telling you getting naked is the way to do that does absolutely NOT respect your talent, or you as a young lady. Your records are good enough for you not to need any shedding of Hannah Montana. She’s waaaaaaay gone by now. Not because you got naked but because you make great records.

Whether we like it or not, us females in the industry are role models and as such we have to be extremely careful what messages we send to other women. The message you keep sending is that it’s somehow cool to be prostituted.. it’s so not cool Miley.. it’s dangerous. Women are to be valued for so much more than their sexuality. we aren’t merely objects of desire. I would be encouraging you to send healthier messages to your peers.. that they and you are worth more than what is currently going on in your career. Kindly fire any motherf—er who hasn’t expressed alarm, because they don’t care about you.

You've proved your point, Sinead. And, I hope your pop princess protégé heeds your words. 

And may I also say, nothing compares 2 u.

If you enjoyed this post, order a copy of my new book Lovin' the Alien at www.lovinthealien.com.

Amanda Bynes: Another Starlet Crashes

My daughter is fifteen. Over the past decade and a half, she and I have gone through distinct audio-visual phases together. First, there were Teletubbies (omg — should I assume that's what acid feels like?) and Elmo, then we went through a Disney Princess stage, several seasons of The Saddle Club, and eventually into live action teen movies like Princess Diaries and Freaky Friday. 

When my daughter liked a particular movie, she liked it. I mean, she really liked it. I can't begin to estimate how many times we watched Amanda Bynes in What A Girl Wants.

I didn't mind. (Or, after the third or fourth dozen time, it's probably more accurate to say, I didn't mind much.) The movie had a lot going for it: gorgeous shots of New York and London (two of my favorite cities); a clever update of Cinderella, complete with a thoroughly evil stepmother and stepsister; and an independent heroine who realizes that she has to be true to herself, prompting her hunky young boyfriend to offer one of my all-time favorite lines of teen advice:

"Why are you trying so hard to fit in when you're born to stand out?"

Hear that, girls?

After all the cartoons and puppets, What A Girl Wants was a particularly welcome pleasure for this particular mamma. Why? Two words: Colin Firth. Yes, the penultimate Mr. Darcy, himself, is the heroine's dad. Actually, I remember explaining to my daughter and a friend that I thought Daphne's father was dreamy. "Eeeeewwww!" they responded in unified dismay. As healthy American tweens, they only had eyes for the aforementioned hunky boyfriend.

And now, like Lindsay Lohan before her, promising young actress Amanda Bynes has made it difficult to watch her earlier work without being distracted — and disturbed — by her current crazies.

Bynes has been a star for more than half her life, starting with Nickelodeon's The Amanda Show when she was just thirteen. By the time she appeared in What A Girl Wants, she was already a familiar face, a household name, and the winner of a coveted (if slimed) Kids' Choice Award. And afterwards, she went on to do a series of similar teen films, including She's The Man (a high school version of Shakespeare's Twelfth Night), Hairspray, Sydney White and Easy A.

She seemed like a bright young actress with a bright long future. In fact, in any live appearances and interviews from those years, Bynes seems like the anti-starlet. Sober. Smart. Down-to-Earth.

Not so much anymore.

Three years ago, Bynes tweeted that she was retiring. A few months later, she updated and assured fans she was "unretiring." And then she hit a wall — as well as several automobiles, including a police cruiser, while she was DUI. An early and enthusiastic devotee of social media, much of her private drama has played out on Twitter. She publicly asked President Obama for help, she posed for bizarre and lewd selfies, and raged on pop star Rihanna. At this week's court appearance, she wore a cartoonish blonde wig, denied everything, and threatened to sue. 

Throughout, sadly, Amanda Bynes has been her own worst enemy. There's so much pressure to "live out loud." Today's tweens, teens and young adults equate posting with real life. But, putting it all out there is even more pitiful when what's on display is a legitimate breakdown.

I can only hope that Bynes gets it back together. I also hope that Amanda's former fans, like my daughter and her peers, can see all of this as a cautionary tale. 

Don't drink and drive. 
Don't smoke dope. 
And, if you're going down, ask for help ... but not via Twitter.

Bet We Don't Know Lilo

It's a Lilo, Lilo, Lilo world.

Lindsay Lohan is everywhere today. She's in my news feed not once, not twice, but three times. (And, believe me, it isn't as though I've requested Lohan alerts or anything.) She may not have had a hit role lately, but she hasn't exactly faded from view.

First of all, there's the story about whether she will indeed do jail time for her latest infraction. As part of a plea bargain, she was supposed to spend 90 days in a rehab "lock-down," but logistical issues may make that impossible. (As some media are reporting, the so-called logistical issues may be that the locked-down program she proposed to attend doesn't actually exist. As in, she may have lied. As in, to a judge. As in, "Oh Lindsay!")

The second story is in some ways more complimentary, but goes salaciously downhill almost immediately. Supposedly, Lindsay was very professional on the set of Charlie Sheen's Anger Management, on which she was guest starring. She knew her lines, she arrived on time. (Apparently, this is newsworthy.) Of course, the two tidbits that reporters really jumped on were a prison scene (her character was doing community service there), and a scene in bed with her hot-headed costar Sheen.

Yikes. What a combination!

The third story involves James Franco — not exactly the poster boy for sane behavior, himself (did anyone catch his strung-out, missing-in-action evening as Oscars host?). In a recent interview with shock-jock and all-around pig Howard Stern, Franco confessed that Lohan had tried unsuccessfully to lure him into bed.

As my teenage daughter would text: "TMI" (that's "too much information").

Clearly the girl has issues.

Lindsay Lohan's story makes me sad, as a mother and as a consumer of Hollywood. The first roles I ever saw Lilo in were the two twins in an ill-advised remake of The Parent Trap. The movie was a snore, but the little Lohans were (both) adorable. My daughter watched it many times although even at the age of five or six she knew enough to prefer the 1961 original with Haley Mills. Still the fault didn't lie with Lindsay. She held her own (with herself, but also with Dennis Quaid and Natasha Richardson). She was doubly adorable.

The next time I sat up and noticed her was in Freaky Friday. She did an incredible job channeling Jamie Lee Curtis when an enchanted fortune cookie made them change bodies. The following year, she had the lead role in another better-than-your-average teen film, Tina Fey's Mean Girls. Many moons later, my daughter and her friends still quote these movies and one BFF uses "Regina George" as her text avatar.

Here are a couple of things you probably don't know about Lilo.

She's actually smart. In fact, she was a straight A student as a child. You can still see her intelligence — when she's not shoplifting or driving drunk, of course — as a guest host on SNL.

She may be just 25 years old, but she's had a longer career in front of the camera than most. She was a Ford model at the tender age of 3.

And, she's a solid actress. But, don't take my word for it. Meryl Streep is a fan too. When they worked together on Prairie Home Companion, La Streep had this to say: 

“She’s in command of the art form. Whatever acting is — I don’t know what it is — she’s in command of it. I think she could do anything she puts her mind to.”

I hope Meryl is right, because here's what I'd really like to see in my newsfeed one day soon: "Lohan Getting Critical Acclaim for Latest Role ...

... After Getting Life in Order."