Star Wars: Ms. Fisher Awakens

After too many decades of way too many Christmas gifts, my family finally started a "Secret Santa" tradition a few years ago. At first, it was just the grownups; my daughter who was probably a tween when we started and my niece who is ten years younger were exempt. They still raked in truckloads of toys. 

The rest of us agreed to a more sober approach, drawing names at Thanksgiving and then purchasing one, fairly modest gift for the person we've chosen. Nice and civilized. This year, my mother pulled my name and gave me a soft infinity scarf (from Ann Taylor Loft), which my daughter is already coveting.

But, I wrangled another gift as well.

My younger brother, aghast upon learning that I had not yet seen Star Wars: The Force Awakens, treated me to a matinee. And not just any matinee. The theatre, on 42nd street just west of Times Square, boasted a food court rather than a lowly concession stand, enormous reclining seats, and a sound system so advanced that said reclining seats shook all through the previews. I could only imagine what would happen once we boarded the Millennium Falcon.

I saw the first Star Wars the year it came out (more than once). I was 15 and loved it, particularly moody young Luke Skywalker (as the second and third movies came out — and I grew up a little — my allegiance switched to roguish Han Solo). At any rate, my holiday invitation to the new installment included one for my own teen daughter. Alas, after Harry Potter, Twilight, Hunger Games and Divergent, Star Wars was a bit too old school for her. (Plus, she was in NYC for just a few days and wanted to enjoy it. She ended up going downtown with her dad.)

The movie was really quite wonderful. ("Awesome" is actually the first word that comes to mind.) My niece was kind enough to show me how to work the space-age seat, and with some gentle if persistent reminders from my sister-in-law didn't give anything away. Not to worry ... I won't either.

Of course, one of the best things about the new Star Wars is the reunion of the cast members of the old Star Wars. Carrie Fisher, Mark Hamill and Harrison Ford are all in attendance, and appear to have enjoyed the experience immensely. But, let's do a little math. The first film was made in 1977. That's 38 years ago. 

Do you look like you did 38 years ago? 'Didn't think so.

Should we expect actors — and, more particularly actresses, since they're the ones under fire — to stay young and slim, gravity-defying and ageless? Apparently, there are thousands of trolls on the Internet who think we should.

It's ridiculous. Of the movie's three stars, I would argue that Fisher looks the best. Then again, Hamill and Ford aren't being unfavorably, and unfairly, compared to 20-year old versions of themselves in gold bikinis. And, while much has been made about Fisher's 35-pound weight loss for the role, there's been very little press about the 50 pounds Hamill had to lose.

So, once The Force Awakens actually awakened (after the most hype Hollywood has ever generated and exponentially record-breaking presales), the Web pretty much exploded with mean-spirited criticism about her looks and whether or not (they were quite vocal about the "not") she had "aged well."

"YOU DIDN'T AGE WELL AND YOU SUCKED IN STAR WARS. IT WAS A  REST HOME PIC." 

Critics and TV personalities participated in the bashing too. John O'Reilly on Fox stumbled through an attempted Fisher diss after alluding to a major spoiler: "But it comes out worse for our friend Carrie Fisher, Princess Leia, because she doesn't look like Princess Leia."

Um. Maybe because she's General Leia now. Did ya see the movie, John?  

When Fisher responded, she was greeted with more abuse. 

"Showbiz is optional ... fame and age come with it ... don't agree Carrie? Give all the money back."

"So you want the money & adulation that comes with being a famous actor but not the criticism. Whoever told you life was fair?"

But, if there's anything to be learned from this, it's not to match wits with Carrie Fisher. She will win.

"Please stop debating about whether OR not I aged well. Unfortunately it hurts all 3 of my feelings. My BODY hasn't aged as well as I have."

And, even more thoughtfully ...
 
"Youth and beauty are not accomplishments, they're the temporary happy by-products of time and/or DNA. Don't hold your breath for either."

You tell 'em, Princess ... er ... I mean General! 

And, one more thing. I'm five years younger than Fisher, and I won't be getting into a gold bikini any time soon. 

So, don't hold your breath for that either.

If you've enjoyed this post, I invite you to order the book Lovin' the Alien here.  

Season's Tweetings

To tweet or not to tweet.

That is the question. Or not.

I'm on Twitter. (Aren't you impressed?) In fact, I'm so on Twitter that I have three separate Twitter accounts. One for my business, one for my cultural pieces (my weekly column in Women's Voices for Change), and one for this blog. 

I even have followers!

But, the fact that I have Twitter accounts and actively tweet (when and only when I have something legitimate about which to tweet, mind you) does not make me an expert "Twit." 

Not by any stretch of your — or my — pre-millennial imagination.

Did you know, for example, that there is an entire glossary of new words that have emerged from the Twittersphere? These are very helpful to memorize if you want to impress your peers or people older and less wired.

If, however, your goal is to impress teenagers, tread lightly. If there is anything worse than our not knowing the latest slang, it's knowing the latest slang and misusing it. 

Been there, done that.

So, just between us old folks, here are some terms that you may find interesting, amusing, or just plain ... well ... useless. (Don't say I didn't warn you.)

Attwaction - When two Twitterers are attracted to each other

Attwicted - Someone who is addicted to Twitter

Beetweet - A trending Twitter topic

Bird-of-mouth - Using Twitter to spread news

Deja-tweet - When a tweet feels strangely familiar

Detweet - When you tweet, then delete 

Drive-by tweet - A fast tweet sent in between other activities

Dweet - A drunken tweet

Eavestweeting - Eavesdropping on other Twitter conversations

Egotwistical - People who tweet about themselves too much

Mistweet - A tweet you shouldn't have sent (see "Dweet")

Twacklist - Blacklisted from Twitter

Twama - Drama unfolding on Twitter

Twamous - A Twitter celebrity

Tweekend - When you spend an entire weekend tweeting

Twendy - Trendy Twitter users

Twitamins - Tweets  with useful information

Twitterphobia - An irrational fear of tweeting

Twitterphoria - The elation when your tweet just nails it

You may not have a Twitter account. You may not tweet. But, the next time you find yourself at some fancy social event with the twitterati, at least you can feel confident about being up on the latest slang.

Because now, you're a twenius too.

You can thank me later. Better yet, follow me. ;) 

If you've enjoyed this post, I invite you to order the book Lovin' the Alien here. 

That Awkward Moment

The one question I'm asked most often when people find out that I blog about my daughter is ... "What does your daughter say about that?" 

Nothing, really.

Since I started Lovin' the Alien, in March of 2011, I have asked my now seventeen-year-old to write posts. They could be her take on teen trends, musings about a current event, a review of her favorite show or book or app, even a rebuttal to something I had written. But no, her interest level was ... 

NOT.

Over the years, I did manage to sneak some of her thoughts in. Usually, it was a dialogue between us (her part consisting of monosyllables, groans and/or eye rolls). Once, I was able to include a passage from an English paper she'd written. But, as far as contributing to the blog itself, not interested. I don't know; maybe she felt it would be awkward.

Well, I'm reaching out to other teenagers via the wonderful world wide web. 

One thing they all seem to agree on is that, yes, there are times when you feel awkward. Plenty of them. In fact, sharing the whens, wheres, hows and whys (not to mention who withs) of awkwardness fills countless tweets from teens. 

I've collected some for you here. (I've corrected spelling to help those of us who weren't born after 1995.) Typically, these posts begin with "That awkward moment ..." And here's how they end.

That awkward moment when you're playing with your pen and it suddenly flies across the room

That awkward moment when you're talking to your crush and your gum falls out of your mouth

That awkward moment when you need to cough in an exam but you've already coughed like twice so you just sit there suffocating

That awkward moment when you're walking and then you start thinking about how you're walking and you feel like you're walking weird

That awkward moment when you laugh hysterically at something but no one else thinks it was funny

That awkward moment when everyone else is laughing hysterically and you're like"I don't get it"

That awkward moment when you have no friends in a class and the teacher says to pair up

That awkward moment when kids younger than you have a more interesting love life

That awkward moment when you see a 10-year-old with a better phone than you

That awkward moment when your parents try to be funny in front of your friends

That awkward moment when you spell a word so wrong even autocorrect can't figure it out

That awkward moment when your mom's doing the dishes so you put another one in and walk away real fast

That awkward moment when you meet someone and they're wearing more makeup than clothes

That awkward moment when you throw something at your friend and it hits someone else

That awkward moment when the dentist asks you a question while his whole hand is in your mouth

That awkward moment when you're in the car and you look at people in the car next to you and they're already looking at you

That awkward moment when you shout out the answer in class and it's wrong

That awkward moment when you walk out of your room in your pajamas and there's a guest in the house

That awkward moment when the doctor asks you what's the matter and your mother answers for you

That awkward moment when you're talking about someone and they're right behind you

And last but not least

That awkward moment when there's an awkward moment and everyone knows it's an awkward moment and someone finally says "AAWWKKWWAARRDD"

Yes. I can understand why that would be ... well ... awkward.

If you enjoyed this post, I invite you to order a copy of Lovin' the Alien at www.lovinthealien.com.