Real Women, Real Workouts

When I first moved to Boston back in 1985, I was religious about going to the gym. As soon as I landed my first "real job," as a copywriter for a major cable company, I joined a women's workout club. It was conveniently located halfway between my apartment and my office. Every single weekday morning (and many Saturdays too), I took aerobics. Those were the days when we wore suspender leotards, unitards with crop tops and even leg warmers. And, yes, there was some day-glow going down as well. At 7:15 every morning, we were there, determined to "make it burn."

The locker room presented a daily scene just as dated as the gym. After class, we showered and blow dried our hair (picture Melanie Griffith in Working Girl, pre-haircut). Most of us worked in offices nearby and we all wore those little skirt and jacket suits, some with silky bow ties, and walked out in white athletic shoes, changing into pumps once we got to work.

Yikes!

Fast forward some 30 years. These days, I belong to a local — and co-ed — YMCA. It's a wonderful facility, thanks mainly to donations from two extremely high net worth neighbors. There are about 60 group exercise classes to choose from every week. In a perfect world, I'd go to yoga Monday, Wednesday and Friday; and to Zumba Tuesday, Thursdays, Saturdays and Sundays.

Of course, it's not a perfect world.

Today, for example, we're having our second snowstorm in as many weeks. They're anticipating another 12 inches on top of the 28 we already have. Even if the Y were open (and I don't know that it is), I'm not driving in this. No how, no way.

Weather isn't the only impediment either. Between kids and clients and cars and conference calls, I often have conflicts that keep me from shaking my booty (or downward dogging, depending on the day). I figure that if I get there 4 times a week I'm doing pretty well.

I've also gotten over how I look while I'm there.

Some of the younger women must spend half their paychecks on workout wear. Lululemon yoga pants start at $88 and can run more than $100. (My teenage daughter once asked for a pair and I reminded her that she doesn't workout.) Myself, I'm perfectly happy in my Target specials, with an old tee shirt on top. And if I'm wearing a sports bra, no one's going to know about it but me. That tee shirt ain't coming off.

I do marvel at the, shall we say "firmer" bodies next to mine (especially in the jam-packed class on Saturday mornings). I wonder if they even know how remarkable they are. Or do they only see their nearly invisible flaws when they look in the mirror, like we all did? Regardless, I refuse to be intimidated. I'm not 23 anymore and let's just say there's more of me to love than there used to be. But, it isn't a competition. I'm there (when I'm actually there) for me.

That's why I love the TV commercial my BFF recently sent me. (She, btw, also remains a dedicated gym goer now that we're in our fifth fabulous decade.) The spot was created by Sports England to help women overcome "worries about being judged for being the wrong size, not fit enough and not skilled enough."

It's called "This Girl Can" and you can watch it here. 

My favorite line? "I jiggle therefore I am." Yep, pretty much the state of things. On this end. These days.

If you enjoyed this post, I invite you to order a copy of Lovin' the Alien at www.lovinthealien.com.  

Say Good-Night, Gwyneth

Only 3 more weeks of school. Well, 2.6 if we're being picky (and believe me, at this point, my teenager is being picky). As per usual, the summer looms ahead with too many plans. It will be here — and gone — before we know it.

Recently, I thought about all the movies that I loved when I was a teen (and in years since) and how few of them I've been able to share with my daughter. 'Wouldn't it be fun to have a family film festival?' I thought. We could take turns choosing the movies. (Or, I'd be perfectly happy to curate the entire thing. Control freak, much? Much!)

Of course, I haven't quite gotten up the courage to suggest this fabulous idea to my fabulous offspring.

"Why?" you may ask. Hmmmmm, let's see. Sarcasm. Eye-rolling. Audible groans. Interminable excuses. 

Still, I can't help but think about all the wonderful movies I could share. Two of them (not in the top five, maybe, but definitely on the list) would be Shakespeare in Love and Emma. William Shakespeare and Jane Austen. Elizabethan and Georgian. Gwyneth Paltrow and ... Gwyneth Paltrow.

Uh-oh. Academy Award aside, is it really responsible of me to expose my daughter to a certifiable loon? Sure, she's pretty. Sure, she's talented. But, has she gone off the deep end? 

Sure.

Here are some examples of what I like to think of as The World According to Gwyneth:

On working mothers:

"It’s much harder for me. I think it’s different when you have an office job, because it’s routine and you can do all the stuff in the morning and then you come home in the evening. When you’re shooting a movie, they’re like, ‘We need you to go to Wisconsin for two weeks,’ and then you work 14 hours a day and that part of it is very difficult."

On divorce:

"We have always conducted our relationship privately, and we hope that as we consciously uncouple and coparent, we will be able to continue in the same manner."

On her net worth:

“I am who I am. I can’t pretend to be somebody who makes $25,000 a year.”

On the voices in her head:

“I’ll never forget it. I was starting to hike up the red rocks, and honestly, it was as if I heard the rock say: ‘You have the answers. You are your teacher.’"

On nutrition:

“I would rather die than let my kid eat Cup-a-Soup.”
and
“I’d rather smoke crack than eat cheese from a tin.”

And, this week's contribution, on the emotional life of water:

"I am fascinated by the growing science behind the energy of consciousness and its effects on matter. I have long had Dr. Emoto's coffee table book on how negativity changes the structure of water, how the molecules behave differently depending on the words or music being expressed around it."

For more of Gwyneth's wit and wisdom (and weird), you can subscribe to her newsletter GOOP. It's good for a laugh — just park your brain outside for a little while.

I hate to suggest silencing any woman, but Ms. Paltrow isn't doing anybody any favors. Most of her opinions are harmless. Despite her utterly out-of-touch judgmentalism (“Every woman can make time [to work out] — every woman”) or her antiquated notions about skin cancer (“We’re human beings and the sun is the sun—how can it be bad for you?”), underneath it all, Gwyneth is just like you and me.

“I’m just like any other regular mum; cooking, cleaning, wiping butts, picking up after kids, being a wife and helping the kids with their homework. Mind you, I’m terrible at maths. I can’t even do my six-year-old’s maths homework with her.”

So I will try not to hold Gwyneth up as a role model for my daughter. But, will I boycott her movies going forward? Depends on the projects she chooses.

Shakespeare and Austen trump a very silly actress any day.

If you enjoyed this post, I invite you to order a copy of my new book Lovin' the Alien at www.lovinthealien.com.