Earlier this week, I wrote about learning a second (or in my teenage daughter's case, a third) language in college and the potentially painful physical consequences of too much texting.
This morning, I'm going to combine those two topics and share highlights (or, I should probably say, lowlights) of a glossary I recently came across.
If you're the parent of a teen or tween, you already know how fast those young fingers can zip across a smartphone keypad. And, if you've been on the receiving end of texts, you also know how rare it is to see a mark of punctuation or even a vowel. And, it isn't simply a matter of shorthand. Texters have developed their own language, much of it created not just for speed but for subterfuge.
Here is a quick A-Z of some of the naughtiest (and in some cases, grossest) texting acronyms.
Be warned, however, if you bother to commit these to memory, they are sure to be replaced as quickly as ... well, as quickly as your daughter or son can text.
AYMM - Are you my mother?
BOBFOC - Body off Baywatch, face off Crimewatch
CU46 - See you for sex
DBABAI - Don't be a bitch about it
ESADYFA - Eat sh*t and die, you f*cking a**hole
FOGC - Fear of getting caught
GNOC - Get naked on camera
HPOA - Hot piece of a**
IITYWYBMAD - If I tell you, will you buy me a drink?
JEOMK - Just ejaculated on my keyboard (Editorial note: ew!)
KPC - Keeping parents clueless
LHOS - Let's have online sex
MIRL - Meet in real life
NNWW - Nudge, nudge, wink, wink
OSINTOT - Oh sh*t, I never thought of that
POMS - Parent over my shoulder
Q2C - Quick to c*m
RU//18 - Are you under 18?
SFB - Sh*t for brains
TBIU - The bitch is ugly
UFUF - You f*ck, you fix
VRBS - Virtual reality bullsh*t
WTGP - Want to go private?
XTC - Ecstacy
YCMTSU - You can't make this sh*t up
ZMG - Oh my God!
And, yes, ZMG is exactly how I feel right about now.
There used to be a gameshow (a very silly gameshow) called Bumper Stickers, in which contestants tried to decipher vanity license plates. I can imagine a new one: The Ten Thousand Dollar Text, or Wheel of Texting, or Family Fingers.
The only problem is that the average age of a gameshow enthusiast is 57.
And that's just TFO.
(Too f*cking old.)
If you've enjoyed this post, I invite you to order the book Lovin' the Alien here.
Remember when we worried about whether or not to let our 14-year-olds use Facebook?
Man, those were the good old days.
Most teens I know barely look at Facebook anymore. And, do you know why? Because old people (yes, people my age even!) have moved in on it. Think about it, when you were 18, did you want to hang out with your parents?
Not so much.
Every several months or so, Lovin' the Alien focuses on the latest and greatest (and in some cases, scariest) technology that parents of teenagers should know about. These posts always get record numbers of hits, which makes me feel like I'm providing a valuable service. (But, it's also a little bittersweet to realize that my readers are more interested in stalking and bullying and sexting than in my ever loving tributes to my perpetually harmonious relationship with my own always perfect teen.)
Oh, well.
Sometimes, being a parent feels a little like being part of the FBI. Or the CIA. Or Homeland Security or the NSA. As soon as we figure out what's going on and who's involved, the game completely changes. Chances are, if we know about an app, our teens have already moved on to the next one.
Here are several apps that you may not have heard of, but might want to keep your eyes open for:
What'sApp
This is a free texting service that lets you send messages, photos, video and audio clips to friends. It's supposed to be for users 16 and up, but the people behind the app don't really have a way to police this. The app pressures members to add more friends each time they use it.
YouNow
This app promises to let you "Broadcast, Chat, and Watch Live Video." Users stream content, comment on it, and judge it, awarding gold bars. By its nature, it becomes a competition to see whose live videos (often broadcast from a teen's bedroom) can get the most attention. And, that can lead to potentially dangerous behavior. If someone offers you another gold bar for taking off your shirt, maybe you'll do it. Well, you wouldn't. And, I wouldn't. But ...
Whisper
This supposedly anonymous app lets teens confess their deepest secrets. It's like a private — but public — diary. Much of the content, as you might imagine, is dark, including depression, suicide, substance abuse. Teens are emotional beings and the emotions on Whisper run high. There are a lot of sexual confessions with accompanying photos. And, perhaps, most worrisome is that the anonymity is by no means assured. In fact, the app encourages users to "Meet Up" and exchange contact information.
Omegle
This app makes me think of the game Russian Roulette. It's a chat site that matches a user with another user, letting them chat or (worse) video-chat. Most users are there to participate in some form of cyber sex; there are frequently links to porn and the language, not to mention video, is decidedly X-rated. What troubles me is that teens, who are hormonal and curious, may see this as a "safe" way to experiment. The fact that there's no registration required feels to a teen like it's safe and anonymous. As a parent though, that fact means no recourse should something unthinkable happen.
Tinder
Perhaps the most familiar name on this list, Tinder is used by many adults looking to "hook-up." (In fact, it's a major story thread in the midlife crisis comedy Girlfriend's Guide to Divorce.) You "swipe left," if you're not interested; "swipe right" if you are. The trouble is, on the Internet no one knows you're underage. And, many teens use it to enjoy casual, no-strings attached sex — without a doubt, that's the very goal of the app (and its estimated 50 million users). While the idea of a teenager participating in cyber sex via a monitor in their bedroom is frightening enough, Tinder users make connections and then meet them in person. Imagine your daughter or son going off somewhere to have sex with a stranger. And, mind-boggling as it seems, they don't even think of the person as a "stranger" because they "know" them from connecting online. The potential consequences — STDs, violence, rape, murder — are beyond horrific.
If any of this is news to you, do with it what you will. For the record, I don't condone un-warranted snooping. I have given my (technically adult) daughter a lot more freedom lately. We took the parental controls off her computer; I no longer have access to her passwords or accounts. If she had a diary, I don't think I'd read it. And, even when I do have an opportunity to snoop (let's face it, these days, I'm the only one cleaning up her room), I resist. She has a right to privacy.
But, if I was concerned about her behavior — if I honestly felt she was in danger, I would break my own rule pretty fast.
Much faster than she could "swipe right."
If you've enjoyed this post, I invite you to order the book Lovin' the Alien here.
Earlier this week, I posted a story about some so-called calculator apps that offer users (read, "teens or adulterous spouses") a way to hide secret pictures (read, "sexts"). The post generated a lot of emails.
Some friends thanked me (and, no doubt, ran rather than walked to their offspring's cell phones to search for fake apps).
Others questioned whether parents should micromanage their child's mobile. How much supervision is too much? How much is, in reality, snooping?
Privacy vs. protection. It's a tough call sometimes and it can be a very fine line.
When
we first broke down and gave my now teenage daughter a cell phone, I
thought we were so on top of things. We knew her passwords; we checked
her emails. She gladly friended me on Facebook. She agreed to all the
parental surveillance because ... OMG! ... dreams do come true ... OMG!
... she was getting an iPhone! (OMG!)
It's
been six years now, and any control we had then (or, at least, thought
we had then) has pretty much gone bye-bye. We're still friends on
Facebook, but my daughter and her peers rarely use it anymore. (How can
you blame them? It's full of old people. Like me.) I don't know her
passwords, her user names, where she has accounts. All that oversight kind of evaporated over time.
Did we get lazy? Maybe. Did she also make valid points about her own maturity and privacy? Yes.
At
any rate, despite the big bad of technology, my daughter (at almost 18)
has about the same amount of autonomy I had. The devices change. But,
the secret life that your parents don't know much about? Well, that
remains the same. Not that I was any kind of bad girl, and (I assume,
hope, pray) neither is she. It's just that when you're "17 going on 18,"
you need some privacy. I wouldn't have wanted my mother going through my diary any more than my own daughter wants me snooping around her cell phone.
I don't
recommend checking up on your teen's online activity unless you have some reason for
concern. Chances are, you're not going to find anything to make you
happy. After all, how many kids text their friends to praise their
parents' parenting ways? If your child is doing fine in school and
doesn't seem to be having any trouble with alcohol, sex or drugs (or
even rock and roll), let them have their privacy.
On
the other hand, if you have legitimate worries (falling grades, changes
in health, signs of depression, or trouble at school or with the law),
that's different. Or if your daughter or son is too young to know what's
right and what's wrong online. Then, invading their privacy becomes more than your right. It becomes your responsibility.
For anyone who argues that you should never break your child's confidence, let me tell a sobering story. When my daughter was still a tween, our PTO presented a number of programs on online safety. One evening, we learned about a boy who had been savagely bullied online and eventually committed suicide. His father had respected his son's privacy but insisted that the boy write down all his passwords and leave them in a sealed envelope. After the suicide, the father was able to use those passwords to track down the kids who had made his son feel so hopeless. They were then held accountable (in whatever half-assed way juveniles are held accountable for online cruelty and harassment — yes, that comment's meant to be as bitter as it sounds). All the parents were nodding and making mental notes to go home and get those secret passwords onto paper and into sealed envelopes.
I wanted to scream. "But, it's too late! The kid is dead!"
In hindsight, doesn't that father wish he had looked at his son's texts and emails sooner? You know he does.
Of course, this is only one story and most (statistically it would be: "virtually all") online activity doesn't end so tragically. But, I don't think you can condemn scrutinizing kids' usage altogether. If there are warning signs (legitimate, objective warning signs), go for it.
Risk their wrath; that's your job.
Just ask yourself if you're doing it for their sake or for yours. And be as honest with yourself as you've asked them to be.
If you enjoyed this post, I invite you to order a copy of my book Lovin' the Alien at www.lovinthealien.com.
A few days ago a friend, who happens to be the terrific mother of two tween girls, posted a video and asked me to blog about it.
Pamela Casey, a District Attorney from Alabama, created the quick clip to warn parents about "Calculator%" an app that appears harmless on your child's phone but can be unlocked and used as a secret photo album.
Turns out there are several apps that provide the same functionality.
Private Photo (Calculator%) is getting the most attention right now. The app lets your teen store private photos and videos, hidden
behind an actual calculator. Once he or she puts in a secret passcode, they're able to access a private area, where files are securely stored and remain completely confidential.
Smart Hide Calculator is also a fully functional calculator app. But, once the teen enters his or her password and presses the '=' button, they're able to "hide" or "unhide"
pictures, videos, documents or files.
SpyCalc offers a free ad-supported version as well as a paid one. Again, calculator functionality hides a secret storage area, where kids can hide photos. SpyCalc also allows users to take pictures directly and store them directly
in the calculator app, ensuring privacy even sooner.
KYMS is another option for hiding photos and videos behind a calculator. It adds better video quality, document protection for PDFs and text, plus a password recovery feature.
The descriptions of these apps stress privacy but don't go so far as to use the word "sexting." But, of course, that's what they're meant for. (There are plenty of other "private photo album" apps that don't bother to use a calculator as camouflage.) As parents, we find the underage sexting phenomenon particularly frightening — especially when the news is filled with horrifying statistics and prep school sexting rings.
In reality, according to a recent story in Psychology Today, far fewer kids are sexting than the sensational headlines imply — between 3-7%, rather than the 50% reported last year.
So try not to worry. Chances are, your teen's calculator app really is helping them with homework.
And, at least now you know what to look for if things don't seem to add up.
If you enjoyed this post, I invite you to order a copy of my book Lovin' the Alien at www.lovinthealien.com.
I'm always on the lookout for Lovin' the Alien story ideas. So, I've set up alerts to notify me when news items include the word "teen."
Sometimes there are lots of stories; sometimes none. Sometimes they're relevant; sometimes not.
This morning was a doozy.
Apparently, as reported in more than 80 stories on Google news, some 100 teens have been implicated in a sexting operation in Virgina. Actually, I don't think "operation" is really the right word. It's more like a movement, a wave or phenomenon. As far as I can tell, there wasn't any money being made. It was all just kids being kids — albeit naked kids being naked kids on the Internet, naked. (Did I mention they were naked?) The girls involved ranged from 14 to 17 years of age and, according to the police, all of the pictures ("although explicit") appeared to be consensual.
For the record, posting naked pictures of underage girls is considered distribution of child pornography. Just saying.
The police are actually being pretty cool. They are working to get to the bottom of all this but they aren't pressing charges. Still, it's worrisome that the "consensual" event was as complex as it was — with an organized website containing 1,000 nude photos and with participants spanning 6 Virginia counties.
Here's where it gets interesting. Teens aren't the only ones who can't resist social media. Virtually every story about this event generated a rash of reader comments. Before the opinions devolved into accusations against the NSA and conspiracy theories about living in a police state, most were from outraged citizens who blamed ... the parents.
Here are some choice words for those of us who chose to reproduce:
Sickening. Where are the parents?
Parents, you have no one to blame but yourselves.
Teens doing stupid things is the domain of parents not police.
Clearly the parents weren't paying attention.
Parental Involvement Deficit Disorder?
Oh lord, parents watch your kids and be alert.
It seems to me the problem is in this world of latchkey kids, the parents are unaware of what their kids are up to.
This is a perfect example of the kind of parenting that goes on in this society.
We're going to have to agree to disagree. I would also wager that most of these vocal — and, oy vey, so judgmental — commentators are not parents themselves. They underestimate the challenges of raising a teen in the digital world. By about a million miles.
Did these kids do something stupid? Yes, obviously. Did we do stupid things when we were teenagers too?
Yes, obviously.
I have a teenage daughter who has access to pretty much every digital device and channel currently available. She has an iPhone; we have an iPad. She has multiple digital cameras. She has a laptop (at any given time there are at least three and sometimes four of them in the house). We have a digital DVD player that enables Internet access through our widescreen TV. Really. (Cool, huh?)
I'm not listing all of this to brag about how fortunate we are (very) or how much we spend on electronics (a lot). But to point out that it would be pretty much impossible to lock and password protect every piece of equipment. Even if we did choose to live "off the grid," she could get online at school, at the library or at a friend's house.
My daughter is careful about what she posts, but she's certainly come across inappropriate pictures, not to mention language. I'm actually not too concerned about her own online behavior. If I was, I would certainly be more vigilant. But, even then, I couldn't police her every movement.
The parents had their heads in the sand.
No, my friend, they probably didn't. They were probably juggling a full-time job with running a household and parenting a high schooler. They were probably immersed in helping with homework, driving to games, paying bills, putting food on the table. Sexting is something to worry about, of course. But, it isn't the only thing.
Most of us are wide awake and doing the best we can.
Maybe you're the one who needs to open your eyes before you open your mouth.
If you enjoyed this post, I invite you to order a copy of my new book Lovin' the Alien at www.lovinthealien.com.
