"Sh*t _________ say."
Have you seen those online videos that are circulating right now? There are versions for New Yorkers, Bostonians, Girlfriends, Hipsters, Yuppies, Gay Guys ... pretty much any group you can think of that has its own idiosyncratic language.
Basically, you take a video camera and record your friends (homely cross-dressing guys are fairly popular in these things), reciting all of the clichés common to the group you are depicting. Then, you edit them together with quick cuts back and forth so the result is a rapid-fire stream of sayings.
The good ones ring true. The bad ones are ... well ... bad. In this day and age, anyone with a smart phone and access to a PC is a filmmaker. Who needs to go to UCLA or NYU?
Well, I have an iPhone. I have a laptop with iMovie. So, I'm thinking of making my own version. It's entitled, "Sh*t Tweens Say." Here's the script:
"I don't have any homework."
"That teacher hates me."
"Um, I need you to sign this ..."
"It's soooooooo unfair!"
"My room IS clean."
"Please five more minutes."
"Why can't I do my homework during New Girl?"
"No you dint!"
"You're ruining my life!"
"Why do I have to make my bed?"
"No one else has to."
"I need $5 for Starbucks."
"Just give me a twenty and I'll bring you change."
"You owe me money anyway."
"Why are you yelling at me?"
"You don't get it."
"You don't understand."
"You never said that!"
"Why are you making such a big deal out of this?"
"I forgot, okay?"
"I'm sorry, okay?"
"Waitaminute, I'm texting."
"Will you please try and not embarrass me."
"Will you please not say anything."
"Will you please stop posting on my Facebook page."
"Did you move my stuff?"
"Get out of my life!"
"That book is soooooooo boring."
"That class is soooooooo boring."
"I don't need a coat."
"I don't need a scarf."
"I don't need gloves."
"Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, you're sooooooo annoying!"
You get the idea.
Yes, I have all the electronics to turn my movie into a reality. However, I also have a life — a life that's rather too busy already, thank you very much. So, while I'm no doubt missing my fifteen minutes of Internet fame, I will not be making a "Sh*t Tweens Say" video after all.
However, if you would like to experience the live action version, feel free to stop by my house. We sooooooooooooo have continual showings here.