15 Going On 16

When I was younger, I used to wish that life could be a Broadway musical. Complete with singing and dancing. Happy times would be ... well ... happier. Sad times would still be sad, but they would be poignant, profound, bittersweet and set to music.

I may not have done much with my drama major, but I still get inspiration from the likes of Stephen Sondheim; Sir Andrew Lloyd Weber and Tim Rice; Lerner and Loewe; and, of course, Rodgers and Hammerstein.

Audible sigh.

In The Sound of Music, young Liesl sings a duet with her crush, delivery boy (soon to be Nazi) Rolf. "16 Going on 17." Later, when the blush wears off that first bloom of love, she gratefully gets advice from new stepmother (former nun) Maria. 

My own teenage daughter is not looking for guidance on matters of the heart quite yet. But, there are other more timely topics that I want to help her with. If only Rodgers and Hammerstein had written that classic song for today's teen ...


(Mom)
You wait, little girl,
Though you think you’re grown.
There’s much that you don’t know now.

Your life little girl,
Has its ups and downs.
But there’s room for you to grow now.

(Teen, aside)
Ugh, here we go now.

(Mom)
You are 15 going on 16.
You think that you’re so cool.
Childhood is gone, iPhone’s always on. 
How do you find time for school?

You are 15 going on 16.
You waste hours on what you’ll wear.
Your idea of fun, is Forever 21.
How can you spend so long on your hair?

Totally unprepared are you
To take your SATs.
College is looming, where are you?
Could you study (please)?

You need someone,
Older and wiser,
Telling you what to do.
I once was 15 going on 16,
I'll be the boss of you.

(Teen)
I am 15 going on 16.
You think that I'm naive.
Truth is I’m ok; it’s covered — yes, way!  
But I can’t make you believe.

I am 15 going on 16. 
Why can’t you let me be?
You just don’t get it. Please stop, don’t sweat it.
I’m on top of it all, you’ll see.

Things aren’t the way they were for you.
The 80s? Really? Please!
Don’t you have something else to do?
Mom, I’m on my knees.

I don’t need someone,
Older or “wiser,”
Telling me what to do.
You are 50 going on 90. 
Mom, you just don’t have …

(Mom)
No, I just don’t have …

(Teen)
Mom, you just don’t have a clue. 

A Few of Her Favorite Things

When I worked in the cable television industry early in my career (it was the big 80's, you can do the math), I had a dream job. Every month, I received videotapes from HBO, Cinemax, Showtime and the Movie Channel. They contained preview trailers for all the programming that would be on each premium service the following month. I took the tapes into one of the conference rooms, sometimes with my lunch or a snack, and watched them so I could write blurbs about each show for the monthly cable guide. And, I was paid to do this!

Those were the days, my friend.

One of the other things I did was to rewrite lyrics to show tunes for the annual company talent show. (I was paid to do this too!) Some of my greatest hits included Installer on the Roof, The Cable Cabaret, and Little Shop of Cable.

(It occurred to me at the time that rewriting lyrics would be a fantastic job. Unfortunately Weird Al Yankovic beat me to it. With, I might add, hilarious results.)

I still take liberties with lyrics in my spare time, maybe when I'm taking a walk or driving somewhere. So, here (with apologies to Julie Andrews and the late Rodgers and Hammerstein) is my latest homage to one of my favorite movies and one of my favorite people.

My Tween's Favorite Stuff

(sung to the tune of "My Favorite Things" from The Sound of Music)

Gallons of ice cream and raw cookie dough,

Bright red fruit roll-ups. How long will they go?

Never once wondering if she's had enough,

This is just some of my tween's favorite stuff.

Low-rise Hollister's and skinny tank topping,

Days in the mall and endlessly shopping,

And if Mom won't buy it, go off in a huff.

This is just some of my tween's favorite stuff.

When there's homework, when Mom's nagging,

When her hair is "bad,"

She simply remembers her favorite tween stuff,

And then she won't feel so sad.

Riding lessons and shows, that whole horsey scene,

Jumping high fences, making Mom's face go green.

Costs us a fortune, but that's just tough,

This is just some off my tween's favorite stuff.

When there's projects, research projects,

If she hopes to grad,

She simply remembers her favorite tween stuff,

And goes and gets help from Dad.

Ignoring her alarm and getting up late,

Days in the car, blasting Kiss 108!

Is it any wonder her parents are gruff?

This is just some of my tween's favorite stuff.

When you're fourteen and the world sucks,

And you don't care a tad,

Just try to remember a tween's favorite stuff,

And you can feel (almost) glad.