Wednesday, April 11, 2012

A Few of Her Favorite Things

When I worked in the cable television industry early in my career (it was the big 80's, you can do the math), I had a dream job. Every month, I received videotapes from HBO, Cinemax, Showtime and the Movie Channel. They contained preview trailers for all the programming that would be on each premium service the following month. I took the tapes into one of the conference rooms, sometimes with my lunch or a snack, and watched them so I could write blurbs about each show for the monthly cable guide. And, I was paid to do this!

Those were the days, my friend.

One of the other things I did was to rewrite lyrics to show tunes for the annual company talent show. (I was paid to do this too!) Some of my greatest hits included Installer on the Roof, The Cable Cabaret, and Little Shop of Cable.

(It occurred to me at the time that rewriting lyrics would be a fantastic job. Unfortunately Weird Al Yankovic beat me to it. With, I might add, hilarious results.)

I still take liberties with lyrics in my spare time, maybe when I'm taking a walk or driving somewhere. So, here (with apologies to Julie Andrews and the late Rodgers and Hammerstein) is my latest homage to one of my favorite movies and one of my favorite people.

My Tween's Favorite Stuff
(sung to the tune of "My Favorite Things" from The Sound of Music)

Gallons of ice cream and raw cookie dough,
Bright red fruit roll-ups. How long will they go?
Never once wondering if she's had enough,
This is just some of my tween's favorite stuff.

Low-rise Hollister's and skinny tank topping,
Days in the mall and endlessly shopping,
And if Mom won't buy it, go off in a huff.
This is just some of my tween's favorite stuff.

When there's homework, when Mom's nagging,
When her hair is "bad,"
She simply remembers her favorite tween stuff,
And then she won't feel so sad.

Riding lessons and shows, that whole horsey scene,
Jumping high fences, making Mom's face go green.
Costs us a fortune, but that's just tough,
This is just some off my tween's favorite stuff.

When there's projects, research projects,
If she hopes to grad,
She simply remembers her favorite tween stuff,
And goes and gets help from Dad.

Ignoring her alarm and getting up late,
Days in the car, blasting Kiss 108!
Is it any wonder her parents are gruff?
This is just some of my tween's favorite stuff.

When you're fourteen and the world sucks,
And you don't care a tad,
Just try to remember a tween's favorite stuff,
And you can feel (almost) glad.

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