My daughter turned 16 this weekend. Aside from wondering how we got here (and how I can possibly be old enough to have a 16-year-old), it's made me think about the whole idea of "Sweet Sixteens."
Have you ever seen "My Super Sweet Sixteen?" Here's how MTV describes it:
"My Super Sweet 16" takes you on a wild ride behind the scenes for all the drama, surprises and over-the-top fun as teens prepare for their most important coming-of-age celebrations. Meet the kids who are determined to go all out to mark this major turning point in their lives, the parents who lavish every wish, and find out first hand what it's really like to turn 16 these days.
I like how they use the word "really" there. Really, as in "actually," "truly," or "in all honesty." Well, I've caught bits and pieces of the show. Here's how I describe it (really):
A bunch of really spoiled teenage brats spend really exorbitant amounts of their parents' money and throw really big tantrums for the camera.
But, I digress. MTV continues:
... each week "My Super Sweet 16" will document one character's outrageous journey as they plot, plan and prep for the party to end all parties. These kids expect and will only accept the absolute best. Now, it's up to them to make sure jealous siblings, stressed out parents and school rivals don't get in the way. This series gives you an up close and very personal look at the extravagant and sometimes extreme measures teens take to ensure that this milestone in their lives is commemorated by the ultimate celebration. Will their real life Sweet 16 ever live up to their fantasies?
Here are some of the things that the stars of this so-called "reality series" have "plotted, planned and prepped for" ...
- Brand new high-end SUVs
- Brand new high-end sportscars
- Couture evening gowns
- Couture fashion shows
- Professional make-up artists
- Professional hairdressers
- $1,250-a-plate dinners
- Parties on yachts
- Parties at country clubs
- Parties with exotic animals
- Parties with famous bands and rappers performing
- Silver (real silver) medallions passed out as invitations
- MP3 players (real MP3 players) passed out as invitations
- Celebrity guests passed out at the parties
- Guest of honor arriving accompanied by can-can dancers
- Guest of honor arriving by camel (with Rihanna)
Huh?
Can you understand why I'm relieved that my daughter doesn't watch this show? Sheesh!
Really (really), though, it wouldn't matter if she did. My (really super) Sweet Sixteen had other ideas for her celebration.
The weekend of her birthday coincided with a huge horse show in Vermont. Participating in the event would involve entry fees (less money, I have to assume, than a camel and Rihanna, but not insignificant), renting a horse trailer for two days, paying her coach to accompany us, renting a room at a local inn for the humans, renting a stall at the event for the horse, meals, gas, etc. etc.
"Puh-leeeeeeese," she begged us the day the event was announced (several months ago). "That's all I want for my birthday. Really."
Some teenaged girls (the ones, for example, featured in "My Super Sweet 16") might make a promise like that and then conveniently forget it when the birthday comes around. This is not the case with my daughter. She has been focused (one is tempted to say "obsessed") with all things equine since age three. She started lessons at age five. Started competing at age seven. Acquired her own horse (my husband would argue that we acquired it on her behalf) at age fourteen.
And, she's never looked back. Really.
I sometimes worry that she's a little too focused. But other mothers worry that their daughters aren't focused at all. Regardless, my daughter is willing to work very hard to pursue her passion. I can appreciate that.
And, there are virtually no boys at the stable or at these events. My husband can (really) appreciate that.
So, in conclusion (I have to wrap this up; I have a sixteen-year-old daughter — I feel really old) ... my daughter had the sweetest of Sweet Sixteens. She was doing what she loved. She worked hard and did very well. And no rap star, couture gown, overpriced entree or exotic animal could have made it any better.
Happy Sweet Sixteen, my darling daughter. I'm proud of you today and everyday. Really.
Right now, Google "Miley Cyrus VMA."
I'll wait.
Nearly a week after her ... um ... controversial performance at the MTV Video Music Awards, the search pulls up 389,000,000 results.
That's right. 389 m-i-l-l-i-o-n.
I've been writing Lovin' the Alien for about two and a half years now. And, if I do say so myself, I have the greatest fans in the world. Not only do they read and share and "like" my posts, but often they suggest new topics for me.
"Did you hear about the push-up bras at Abercrombie Kids?"
"What are you going to say about Corey Monteith?"
This past week, the requests have had a common theme: one former Hannah Montana.
"When are you going to write about Miley Cyrus?"
" 'Can't wait to read what you have to say about Miley Cyrus!"
"What do you think about Miley Cyrus?"
Here's exactly what I think ...
All the media brouhaha surrounding Miley Cyrus is much ado about nothing. Why do I say so? Let me count the ways ...
1. This is nothing new.
MTV's raison d'être is to push the proverbial envelope. They've been doing it since I was in college. (And we all know how long ago that was.) A provocative sexy performance on the MTV Video Music Awards? Ooooh, stop the press! Call the cops!
Puh-lease! It's MTV. What do you expect?
2. Ms. Cyrus is not a child.
The girl may have been in the public eye since she was a tiny tween, but she's technically a grown-up now. If she wants to get up in front of bazillions of viewers and shake, shake (SHAKE!) her booty, that's her business.
Do I think she's made consistently good decisions? Well, no. But we don't want her to stay a child star forever, do we? I mean, haven't you seen Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?
3. It wasn't even that sexy.
For heaven's sake, she was wearing granny panties!
And, if it was too sexy for your youngsters, why are you letting them watch MTV?
4. All of this attention is just drawing more attention.
In a way, I have to laugh. They say 'the only bad publicity is no publicity.' So basically every person who raises his or her voice about this sorry spectacle is just raising the volume. To all of you outraged parents ... have we learned nothing from raising toddlers? If a two-year old is acting insane and you give them more attention, what will they do? Continue to act insane.
The best way to stop this particular insanity would have been to ignore it.
5. The act wasn't even good.
Let's face it, if there's any reason to criticize Miley, it's because her little performance was ridiculous. It began like a Build-A-Bear Workshop on crack. And what was with the tongue? I thought her father was Billy Ray Cyrus, not Gene Simmons.
As for those "shocking" moves? Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't a skinny white girl twerking kind of defeat the purpose?
The entire thing was cringe-worthy. But maybe that isn't the point.
Right about now, Ms. Cyrus is cringing all the way to the bank. This may prove to be a most brilliant career move.
And, if Miley does regret it, she needn't worry. Something equally stupid will take this story's place before too long.
Because if there's one thing we can count on even more than our society's obsession with the lewd ...
it's our collective attention deficit disorder.
My ad agency does creative work for a number of colleges, designing campaigns to lure prospective students away from the competition and toward our clients' schools. Our target audience (current high school sophomores, juniors and seniors) is known as the "young millenials" or "Generation Z."
When we present concepts for ads, we always have to remind everyone in the conference room that we (agency and clients alike) are not the people we are talking to. Our audience lives online. (We don't.) They have no interest in turning off or tuning out. (We do.) They are digital slackers. (We aren't — or, at least, if we are, we know it's a really very super bad thing.)
As of today, I stand corrected.
MTV recently released the results of a new study, comparing teens aged 14-17 (at 15 going on 16, my own daughter fits right in there), Generation Y (18-25 years old), Generation X, and Baby Boomers. The surprising conclusion?
The younger millenials are poised to surpass their older demographic siblings in terms of focus and eventual success. They not only see the error of their cyber ways, they are actively seeking analog alternatives.
Get a load of some of this data ...
According to MTV's study (and contrary to the opinion of most parents I know), Generation Z is not living in a fool's paradise.
60% believe that "my generation will be worse off than my parents' generation."
The same 60% claim that they are "very stressed about getting into a good high school or college."
69% are trying to take control of this bleak forecast. "I put more pressure on myself than others put on me."
How does this affect their online habits? If you're like me (especially if you're like me and have a fifteen year old daughter who appears to be surgically attached to her iPhone), you may be surprised.
80% of this younger teen group say that "sometimes I just need to unplug and enjoy the simple things."
82% "prefer to focus on one task at a time." Whoa. And to think, they've built a reputation for attention span deficiency.
(As an aside, guess what I'm doing even as I write this post? Multitasking! Checking emails, fielding phone calls, planning next week's trip to New York, and brainstorming some alternative headlines for an ad. Note to self: be very careful not to throw stones.)
Here's what I say: YYSSW. (Your teen can tell you that this means "Yeah, yeah, sure, sure, whatever.")
You see, all the studies in the world can be meaningless (from a personal perspective) when they don't jibe with actual experience (from a personal perspective).
From a personal perspective ... I just don't see it.
At any given time, my daughter engages in at least a half dozen different activities at once. She can quite comfortably text, listen to music, browse Facebook, eat a bag of Sun Chips, post to Instagram, and tackle the toughest homework assignment. For the record, the only time she unplugs to "enjoy the simple things" is when her father or I (or both) insists that she does. And, let the record also state, there ain't a whole lot of enjoyment going on when that happens.
Yesterday, my daughter and I brought our new friend, the exchange student who's staying with us this summer, into Cambridge. We treated ourselves to fancy coffee drinks (apparently Frappucinos are an international phenomenon), toured Harvard's historic campus, shopped and shopped and shopped, then went into Boston for dinner and a show. It was a great day, a long day, an analog day. So, what was my daughter doing each and every time the conversation lagged?
Texting.
Don't get me wrong. She wasn't rude or unkind. I think she's been a terrific host, actually. But, there are always natural silences and these proved to be irresistible opportunities to check the phone. After many evil eyes (on my part) and many exasperated shrugs (on her part), I finally gave up on the drive back at the end of the night.
"Here, you can use mine," I told our lovely guest and handed her my phone. She was just as happy as my daughter would have been had someone else's mother done this for her.
New friends, the two girls sat together, fingers skipping across their digital screens, quite happily, the rest of the way home.
