Stupid teen pranks are older than I am — and they most certainly pre-date my daughter. Setting cherry bombs, toilet papering neighborhoods, crowding into telephone booths (or Volkswagens), even drag-racing seems downright nostalgic now. "Oh, those krazy kids!" It's not that the stunts weren't dangerous — watch Rebel Without A Cause, if you have any questions — it's just hard to take them so seriously when they're coupled with poodle skirts and bobby socks and ducktail hair.
Pubescent pranks are probably here to stay. But, there's something about living in the technology age with social media and digital cameras and instant access to all things (and everyone, everywhere, all the time) that has made teenagers even more eager to do stupid things than their adolescent ancestors. Not just teens either, full-fledged grownups are guilty too.
For example, a few years ago when my daughter was still in middle school, I wrote about "The Cinnamon Challenge." This completely dumb activity involved eating a spoonful of cinnamon and then choking. ('Sounds like a fun time to me. Um ... NOT.) Apparently, videos posted of participants spewing powdered cinnamon out of every facial feature were hi-lar-i-ous and earned hundreds and thousands and millions and bazillions of hits.
Doctors warned that the game carried a real threat of asphyxiation. But, since when does that deter a determined teen?
Other trends of recent times include "Planking," lying rigid on a surface that wouldn't normally be meant to hold a recumbent human body. Stupid? Yes. Safe? Not always. A teenager actually fell to his death after planking on a terrace railing. (See earlier response "Yes" to earlier question "Stupid?")
Then there are the idiotic and extremely dangerous pranks like "The Choking Game" and "Eye-Balling Vodka." Yes, that's as disgusting as it sounds. Yet somehow not quite as disgusting as some of the other ways teens choose to get drunk while avoiding calories and that tell-tale booze smell. (I'll spare you the details, but if you're curious, watch the infamous swim party episode (1:7) of Girlfriends Guide to Divorce.)
The latest trend to pop up on my radar (which means it's probably been out there for weeks, months or even years) has got to be one of the dumbest things I've ever seen. It's called "The Condom Challenge," and is a young adult mashup of a traditional water balloon fight and "The ALS Ice Bucket Challenge," with some prurient titillation thrown in for good measure. The new gag is best pulled off with two people. One fills a condom with water and dangles it over the other person's head, then lets it go. The condom temporarily covers the recipient's entire head in a latex bubble before bursting and soaking her.
What a great way to spend one's time!
But wait, there can be complications. The latex might not break; the prank's victim might fall and hit her head; she might pass out or suffocate or pass out and then suffocate.
And, I've left out the most important piece of the prank puzzle. As any self-respecting millennial will tell you, the entire experience must be recorded for posterity and posted, here, there and everwhere.
Congratulations. Now, you know about "The Condom Challenge." I guess it could be worse. I mean, no one's died yet.
But, they might.
Die of embarrassment that is.
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Most days, I pick up my teenage daughter from high school. I'm fortunate (she's fortunate) because I run my ad agency from a home office and can slip out for twenty minutes without too much trouble. Her school is 1.5 miles away and last September's grand plan of a nice fitness walk every afternoon didn't last very long.
Anyway, the most convenient place to collect my little scholar is behind the school in the parking lot of our town's post office. There's a path that leads uphill to the football field and another that heads down into a wooded area.
That's where "the stoners" hang out.
It's strange to see kids (young adults really but some I've known since preschool) pair off and slip away together. Are they smoking dope? Drinking? Making out? Worse? I'm tempted to follow them. I'm tempted to call their mothers. I stay in the car.
My own daughter doesn't have time (or, thank goodness) the inclination to participate in this particular after-school program. I've made it very clear that her riding and lessons and shows and out-of-state horsemanship clinics are dependent on schoolwork getting done and good grades getting got. This is not negotiable. I'm very lucky that she understands and agrees. I'm also lucky because her friends, although mind-bogglingly silly at times, don't seem to be that type of party people. (I know I could be wrong, but in truth, I trust her. And — knock wood — we haven't had any problems. Yet.)
So many teens do so many stupid things. As a hopelessly out-of-touch middle-aged mom, I can't even keep up. In fact, when I try to stay on top of the latest trends of teenage self-destruction, I give myself a headache.
Last year, I wrote about "The Cinnamon Challenge." Here are just a handful of new ideas to worry about:
"Planking" — Kids lie horizontally, holding their bodies stiff like a board (or, more aptly, a plank), balancing on random objects. Counters, bannisters, shopping carts. Pictures are taken and posted; the aim is to get lots of hits and shares and likes and comments. Sounds fairly harmless, but a teenager actually died when he planked and then fell off a seven-story balcony rail.
At this point: full disclosure. My daughter has been known to plank but not from death-defying heights. Phew.
"Eyeballing Vodka" — Okay, before I describe this, can I just say "Eeww!" Teens actually pour shots of vodka into their eyes. The blood vessels of the eyeball quickly absorb the alcohol and the result is immediate intoxication. The upside? It's easy to hide because there's no tell-tale booze breath. The downside? Oh, nothing to worry about ... just permanent corneal damage and blindness.
People, c'mon!
"The Choking Game" — Y'know that rush you get after you've hung yourself and your friend has cut you down and revived you? No? Me neither. (WTF???) Whether kids play the choking game because of thrill-seeking or boredom or peer pressure, it's very real and an estimated 500-1,000 teens will die doing so. Oh, and that rush I mentioned? It's brain cells dying from a lack of oxygen.
One might argue that there may have been a distinct lack of brain cells to begin with. But, that wouldn't be consolation for the families of those kids.
The most recent trend that my own daughter introduced me to (as in told me about, not participated in, thank you God) is called "Smoking Alcohol." The name says it all and it's all over YouTube. Kids take alcohol (any sort works) and pump air into it then inhale the fumes. The alcohol vapor goes directly to the brain; the effect is instantaneous. Everything the body does to absorb and process (or expel) the alcohol you drink is bypassed. So, alcohol poisoning, prevalent enough in teenagers who imbibe the old-fashioned way, occurs dangerously fast.
Thinking about all of this is difficult; talking about it with our teens is absolutely critical.
Yesterday afternoon, my daughter took her final freshman final. Afterwards, I asked her what she wanted to do to celebrate. Go somewhere, do something? What was she craving more than anything else?
Her answer: "Chocolate chip cookie dough."
Amen, sister.
